Just a little girl...

She woke up, rubbed her big brown eyes with her little, soft, pink hands.  She stood up, looked around, and began walking....

Walking alone in the woods. How did she get there? Her mother didn’t allow her to leave home alone. “Uh, well, if mommy doesn’t know and I have come this far, surely it mustn’t be that scary?” Alone she walked, amazed at the wonders of the forest, at the tall, such tall trees, which filtered sunlight as if the skies were showering golden glitter, the leaves crunched beneath her pretty red sandals. Tall grass tickled her knees as she hopped along, her little white frock full of the precious dirt from her strange new adventure. Her brown curls filled with little twigs and leaves from the fall which had brought her here as she now remembered. But where had she fallen from?

“I’ll think about it later in my boring little room, I must hurry and see all that I can before someone catches me!” She continued hopping and skipping gleefully when she saw a man, no a boy, well he was taller than the stupid boys in her class at least. She looked at him from behind a tree, he was looking at her. How did he know she was here? She knew him, she now recognised as he faced her and ran to hug him, while he picked her up in his arms and kissed her forehead. She loved him, she loved him ever since she could remember and she’d loved him all the six years of her life. He was her hero. He came home sometimes, she visited him sometimes and he played with her and told her stories. He told her that she was a little princess and that she’d grow up to be a beautiful woman. She never understood how he knew, how could she ever be a woman, wasn’t she a little baby? Wouldn’t she always be this little? No, she was five last year, now she was six, soon she’d be tall and pretty. Yes, she knew she would be beautiful; everyone looked beautiful when they were old and went to college. Well, now she was in her favourite place in her hero’s lap and he was nuzzling her neck with his nose.

He was so nice, he always loved her this way, he must love her a lot she felt, maybe he will marry her when she grows up. Maybe she could tell mommy that they will marry each other.  Something brought her back from her musings. He was still cuddling her, but something was wrong, he wasn’t looking at her like everyone else did, he wasn’t even kissing her like everyone else did. It was scary, he wasn’t being nice and gentle, he was hurting her, physically and she didn’t know why but mentally too. Something was not good, something was not right, she didn’t like the way he was grabbing her, how he was pressing her against him and she didn’t like being kissed on the mouth. Yuck, why was he doing that? He didn’t even look familiar, who was this man? Why was he hurting her. She hadn’t hurt him, she had not done anything wrong. She tried to break free, but he kept asking whether she was liking it, She said no so many times. He wasn’t listening. He was just hurting.

His eyes burnt, burnt with flames and she saw a little doll, who looked exactly like her go up in flames. She saw that doll look right into her and she saw fear. She saw fear as if it were alive. As if it were a person. She pulled away, but she had changed, she had changed into the beautiful woman she wanted to be, the boy was not as tall. Just a little taller, but not too much more. He looked at her warily and said, “it’s ok, we’ll just forget it, don’t tell mommy, ok? Mommy won’t like that you got hurt.” She said, in a strange strong voice, “Yes, mommy won’t like it,” and she turned away. She walked and walked. She wished that boy died, but she said sorry to God for wishing so, She didn’t see the boy writhing in pain on the floor, the golden glitter scorching his body. She didn’t see the scorching end and the loveliness of the boy, that she had adored, leave him, she didn’t see him turn into a wretched ghost of himself, a man who looked he’d lost everything and could never have it back, a man who knew he’d never be forgiven. She ran and ran and hugged mommy. Mommy was so warm, so soft, so strong.  Mommy hugged her and she fell asleep.

Trrriiiinnnggg Trrriiinnggg... “Ugh..What...Where? Oh...Monday, Oh College, was that a dream? Who was the girl? Why can I not have normal dreams?”

“Azel!!!! Stop talking to yourself, wake up if you plan to attend college today!”

“Yeah, right. Ugh. Headache. Who needs an alarm, when you can yell like that??!”

“Azel!!!”

“Yeah yeah, waking up, Relax Mom.”