Some Time, With Me

As they say, a lot really can happen over coffee. It was the first time today that I ventured into a café all by myself, I’d never really felt the need to visit one alone. After a dreary day at office and the dangerous few minutes of battling the crazy Hyderabad traffic, the café looked much too enticing, also a little chocolate wouldn’t hurt before another crazy struggle to find an auto. So, after wasting a lot of time thinking about whether I was really that hungry or should I just go home, I decided, no, I felt like eating that chocolate pastry and company or no company, I would have it. I walked in, and felt as if everyone had stopped eating, talking and serving to stare at me and say, “Alone? Don’t you have any friends?” But, then as soon as the stupidity of that thought struck me, I realized, that nobody really cared apart from the desperate few who would have reacted in the same way to anything female, alone or in a group. So, I chose the seat near the glass wall. The one that overlooked the bustling street, perhaps due to some ingrained need to seek company.

I chose my dessert from a tempting assortment of ice creams, cakes and puddings, and waited for it patiently, while I contemplated calling someone and speaking over the phone. The phone kept ringing, and I realized that it was for the better, since it would defile the novelty of the entire experience of sitting by myself in a café, in a city that isn’t home. Contrary to popular belief, as much as I adore talking, there are times when I enjoy silence, while walking home, reading or perhaps while writing like this. Never had I experienced the same in this way though. There was a couple who seemed pretty strange. They weren’t talking to each other, the girl was drinking her coffee and the guy was just looking at her, she looked at him over her cup every now and then, giggled and then went back to concentrating on her coffee, while the guy just kept looking at her. Then there was this guy, alone like me, yet he had his laptop and was busy reading something while gulping down his can of diet coke. While I was busy doing nothing, observing the other occupants, I felt at peace, somehow relishing the fact that although good company is always welcome, my own isn't half that bad.

My treat arrived and I smiled at the waiter, he looked a bit surprised and then suddenly, genuinely happy. He hurried back to the kitchen and then came back with a little bowl of extra chocolate sauce, and said that it was complimentary, or so I understood, I’m yet to get hold of much Telugu. So, I smiled back and enjoyed all the sinful yet devastatingly delicious chocolate. Pardon the superlatives, but chocolate does that to me. Instead of it being a hurried snack that I had expected, I realized, that I could actually enjoy my dessert for what it was; I wasn’t talking to anyone, the only thing on my mind was that this was a slice of time that I was spending with just me, I enjoyed every spoonful thoroughly and after making sure none of the chocolate sauce was wasted, I ordered the check.

While I was waiting for it, two boys strolled in; both apparently seemed to be delighted at my sight, although not in the irritating, desperate way. I ignored them, till I saw that they sat in a table opposite mine, and one of them took out a pencil and started drawing something on a pad. It was some moments later that I noticed him intently looking at my face every now and then and drawing that I realized that I was being sketched! Luckily, the waiter came with the check and I began hurrying out. I have always wanted to have my portrait done, a silly fantasy of sorts, but this seemed a little strange, especially after my little alone time. All the sudden attention perhaps unnerved me, the boy looked sad at my hurried exit, and he called out, “Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you!” I just smiled and left, although a part of me really wanted to see the sketch, whatever had been achieved in those few minutes. Exuberant Innocence and Experienced Caution fought over the urge, Caution won.

Out in the scorching heat and crazy traffic, the recent strange little moments were temporarily forgotten as I looked for an auto, and after interminable minutes finally found one. On the way back, while I was trying to inch away from this woman, who was for some reason trying to throw me out of the auto, I realized, that even though the time I spent at the café was pretty ordinary, it was still something that I was thinking about during the trip back home, and something that I just had to write about.

If You Want To Be Happy, Be.

Devdas:“Babuji ne kaha gaon chhor do,
sabne kahaa Paro ko chhor do,
Paro ne kahaa sharaab chhor do,
aaj tumne keh diya, haveli chhor do,
ek din aayega jab wo kahenge, duniya hi chhor do.”

Azel: Sunni toh hai nahi kisi kii, bewakoof toh ho hi. Jo chahe karo, bas rona chhor do. 

At one point you realize that it really doesn’t matter, does it? I mean ok, things didn’t go your way, but then they usually don’t! When they do, usually, it’s a disappointment, so I guess by default we’re programmed to feel bad/sad/greedy/blah. I guess it is left to our faculties to decide and program our brain (yes, we all possess one even though most forget to use it!) to make us feel happy, et cetera. No matter what the problem is, that point does come at least once when one realizes that it wasn’t just worth all the drama. It came even for Devdas, but he was too drunk to realize it or perhaps the music at Chandramukhi’s place a tad too loud to contemplate his stupidity, who knows! I mean, wouldn’t it have been a ton better to have either run away with Paro or to have, just you know like, enjoyed all his dad’s money or even just made use of his fancy degree from London or some place and gotten a job or something? But no, apparently getting drunk and dying was better. In retrospect however, even he would have realized that everyone else seemed to have managed fine without all the drama. Chandramukhi kept dancing, Paro kept being married or whatever.

Look at it this way, why do we become sad? Guess, coz well, we are not happy. Ok, fair enough. But, then doesn’t being sad, make us even less happy and eventually sadder? So, basically being sad just makes us sad, so why be sad? OK. Wait, not helping.  Let us look at it in a less idiotic way, whatever we feel and all is basically just a set chemical reactions and electrical impulses, sent by our brain. Our brain functions according to well, our brain! So, if we choose to look at the good things, if we decide to move on and be happy, we will. Logically and practically, no one can stop that. So, don’t choose to be sad. Simple. Well, there is this little voice that usually pokes its nose to point out that, you know things didn’t go your way and all. Here’s what you do, tell Mr. Goody Two-Shoes to help, if it can then good enough, if it can’t well, you really can’t do much about it, can you? So, move on, ignore the pestering little, little voice and choose to be happy, start afresh.

Once in a while it does us good to remind ourselves that this is probably our only chance at life, and even if reincarnation and all does exist, this is our only chance at life as we know it, so why ruin it for something that is nothing in comparison in the long run? No matter how pathetic or miserable you are, trust me you’ve got a better life than most people. You at least have internet connection and the idle time to read this post, which says nothing new or even remotely entertaining. So, just be happy and stop whining, coz for a change you really do get to choose, so why not make a choice that you’ll actually like? I mean really, I never understood why Devdas didn’t take Paro with him if he really was leaving his dad and home and his weird bhabhi and all. Paro’s mom had actually permitted her to run away with him. H-e-l-l-o? Here is this woman allowing her daughter to elope with you and you run away to Chunni Babu? Really? Truth is, we usually choose to be stupid and sad, when being smart and happy is equally simple.