Editio Princeps

Monday, January 31, 2011

I Talk A Lot

Was feeling bored, so was reading through some stuff I wrote or tweeted. Here is a list of some of my originals [;)] and some that should be in this list are already on my blog so didn’t add them here.

© What goes around comes around if it moves relatively faster than you if you are moving or if you are not moving at all! So if you don’t want it to come back to you, Run or if you are smart, just step aside!

© Does it matter whether you verify either? Think about it, assuming the latter is true, it'll reflect poorly on your comprehensive abilities. (In reply to a random guy who said that he believes that I am beautiful, but was doubtful about my intelligence.)

A: Think, only if you are as smart as me, otherwise just wear a helmet/knee caps (depending where your brain is, if at all present) and leap!

At the end of it, I can just say: I talk a lot.

Friday, January 14, 2011

As Long As You Breathe

That feeling of bliss

Of rightness

Of love

May not be for long

May not be for keeps

But whatever you earn

Whatever you steal

That moment is yours

In your heart so deep

Never again

You promise and pray

Not tonight

Not tomorrow

Not ever you say

Yet deep within

You truly know

When asked again

You can never say no

Time passes

Time flies

Yet not a day goes by

When that feeling deserts

When that moment might die

It burns and flares

You yearn and you fight

It shakes you and lifts you

With inexplicable might

You know of its power

You know of its love

You know it will hurt you

But you never give up

That moment was yours

That bliss all your own

Once more you dream

Once more you beseech

No matter the sorrow

No matter tomorrow

That miracle was yours

And yours shall it be

For today

For tomorrow

As long as you breathe

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The little things you do

My thinking is kind of solenoidal, it usually lacks a source or sink...

Usually, the quotations in my blog posts are borrowed; the above however, is an original. I just came across it a couple of minutes back, I had totally forgotten saying (writing, actually) it, and it took me sometime to verify that I really had come up with it, since Google holds no account of anyone else saying the same, I can safely assume the originality of it, as Google is the place where I plagiarize (well, not really) from. Then I remembered how proud I was when I said it. It happens sometimes. I say things, and then just like Pali, who feels so proud of every drawing she has ever made, I kind of feel really happy. Like when I make those weird sketches, the doodling that I do in class, some of them look really beautiful. I am not an artist really, but I fall in love with some of the things I create. Like this post I had written sometime back, With You, Always, it’s my favourite and I was really happy when I wrote it. I waste a lot of time thinking about the things that make me sad, as is apparent in my blog, but I am amazed to see how little it takes to make me smile. Sometimes it’s the little things that I made or said; sometimes it’s a text message from a friend, a chocolate, all the nonsense my bhai-log come up with or sometimes when a child laughs. Just like now, when I was supposed to be studying for exams that have long gone beyond just knocking at my door, I was net-surfing, blog-reading and commenting and feeling sad about not studying, just then I came across the above quote and it made me smile.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Kal Se Ya Abhi Se?

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

- Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts

Warm, Devil’s Chocolate Cake with Vanilla Ice Cream, mint-chocolate chips, hot chocolate sauce, caramel and strawberries! I don’t know about you, but I certainly cannot think of anything better. Each spoon is the epitome of temptation and sinful pleasure. When faced with the dilemma of giving in or giving up, I always ignore the latter. A little won’t do any harm, and it definitely makes you feel “In Love”. The essence is not in the taste, which is obviously good, the essence lies in the way it makes you feel. Special, In Love and all that. I maintain however, that I don’t know about you, but for me that is exactly how it is. All that chocolate and all for me. Roti-Sabzi-Dal-Chawal love you, they really do, and they always want the best for you, but when it comes to this sinful temptation, well, all the goodness is overshadowed. Melted chocolate can be more destructive than molten lava, really.

Think of it though, will I be able to eat that sinfully enticing and amazing chocolate fantasy, day in and day out? Not really, I mean, I might say yes, but I know, not possible. So even though I might neglect my dal-chawal-roti-sabzi, I know in my heart that it is irreplaceable. Sometimes, while you are enjoying the wonders of chocolate, a little something tells you, “Bas ho gaya, too meetha” or “OMG, one more spoon and I’ll faint” that is your wake up call. When that moment comes, and you are faced with the question of giving up for sometime than giving in for good, when you look at that delicious concoction of pure chocolate temptation and ask “Kal se ya abhi se?” The answer is, “Abhi Se”.

But then, sometimes, “A little too much chocolate is just about right.” Sometimes you give in, sometimes you give up, but never for good, coz sometimes, “There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now."

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stars and Eyelashes..

We cannot wish for that we know not.
-Voltaire

There was a time when wishing upon a star I wished for Shahrukh Khan. There was a time when given a genie in a bottle, I’d ask for hair as long as my grandma and skin as fair as snow white. Shahrukh, I don’t want now; long hair and skin fair, been there and done that.

That time, when wishes came true, I had nothing to wish for or perhaps lacked the wisdom to choose rightly. Now when I do, when all I do is think of what could have been and what should have been; now wishes seem to be fairy tales, fiction and non-scientific.

I remember the time when we had all camped on our terrace to witness the mesmerizing meteor showers. It was the time “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” had released. Had I wished for what I now want, maybe I’d be writing about something else now, maybe not.

Now when I wish upon a little eyelash, I wish wishes could come true, just like that.

Moral of the story: When the biggest concern in your life is your looks, be happy; because when that goes down your wish list then it means that you have grown up.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Ziddi Kahin Ki

Ziddi Kahin Ki

“You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Ignore.

“You aren’t supposed to be doing this.”

Ignore.

“You aren’t supposed to be thinking that way.”

“You know, Ms. Know-it-all-little-friggin’-voice, instead of constantly telling me what not to do, you could help out and tell me what to do instead. I don’t have the time to sit and figure out, so either let me do what I think is correct, or just give me an alternative, okay”

“Fair enough, but if you can’t think of it, how can I? If you remember, we do share the same brain.”

“No, we don’t. You apparently are a product of my crazy brain, and just try to act all smart.”

“I don’t act smart, I am smart. Unlike you, the only thing I rely on is our brain, which I happen to believe is a pretty credible source.”

“Unlike me?”

“Yes, I do not get swayed by instincts, emotions or basically any of that nonsense. I rely on facts.”

“And you believe that is a good thing? The “facts” that you are such a fan of have been added by me in our, no my brain, it was my judgment, my intuition and my instinct that made me decide what I should keep and what I should reject. So how can you be in a better position without all of that?”

“Whatever, anyways you shouldn’t really be doing that.”

“Here we go again, Oh, just Shut Up, will you?”

“You are a very stubborn and rude woman.”

“Thank you and you are just plain irritating. Just shoo away, okay?”

“Huh. Don’t come crying to me.”

“Yes, fine. I won’t. I never do.”

“Azel, whom are you talking to?”

“Mom, do you want to kill me?! Why do you have to yell each time you enter my room? No one, I was just thinking aloud.”

“Seriously, you should stop behaving like a kid, grow up.”

Door slammed.

“What is wrong with everyone?”

“You said something?”

“Again!!! What is wrong with you? No, I didn’t say anything. Go.”

“Azeeeeeeeel! I can hear you speak.”

“Yes, coz I am audible Mom, congrats.”

“Badtameez ho gayi ho tum.”

“Haan, pata hai.”

“You, little voice, stop talking to me. Shit, where was I?”

“You were in the middle of doing what you shouldn’t be doing.”

“Yes, thanks, and I will continue to do it.”

“Ziddi kahin ki.”

After screwing that very thing up, well, I still don’t mind.

The thing is that, people just tell you what you shouldn’t do, what they couldn’t do. There are very few who tell you what to, and even that isn’t fool proof. Ultimately, after screw ups and successes, you just have to figure it all out for yourself. You have to be at it if you think it is right. Whether it was or not is something that only time will tell. At the end of it, it is your failure, your success and your life.

“Time has a way of demonstrating that the most stubborn are the most intelligent.”

-Yevgeny Yevtushenko

P.S. - I didn’t like the quote that much. I just liked the guy’s name, some famous Russian poet. Also, people who think I give too much Funda that is clearly not the intention. It is just that I like to talk to myself in writing too, and I need to convince myself every now and then. You of course can learn and help yourself, I am all for spreading knowledge, joy and bleh. Ciao.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

With You, Always.

Trrrring Trrring.

“Hello?”

“Hi”

“Umm, Sorry, I can’t place your voice, Oh, and Btw, It is Friggin’ 4 in the morning.”

“Hey, don’t be rude, you shouldn’t be rude to me, or to anyone for that matter.”

“Okay, look, I was in the middle of an amazing dream and then I need to leave for college, this is the last time I am asking, who are you and what do you want? If you don’t answer, I’ll just go back to sleep.”

“Who am I and what do I want? These are perhaps the toughest questions to answer, and you want an immediate answer?”

“Intriguing, Bye.”

I hung up. What was that anyways and why did the voice sound so familiar? It sounded like, someone whom I’ve spoken to before, someone whom I speak with constantly. Never mind, I could sleep for another hour or so. As I turned on my pillow, I saw this boy sitting on my bed.

“What????! Who are you and what are you doing on my bed???!!” I just stared at the boy, as he stared back at me, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. He must have been my age, or perhaps a year or two older. Thick black hair, curling on his neck and all messed up on his forehead. Slightly flushed skin, and emerald, no bottle green eyes with a sharp, proud nose and beautiful lips curved in a smile. Shock and appreciation created a turmoil within me, while his presence had a strange calming effect. It might have been a second or two, before he replied, but it seemed like minutes or maybe even hours,

“You hung up on me. I needed to speak with you.”

“I what?”

“I called you up just now; I need to talk to you about certain things.”

“This isn’t happening, I get weird dreams all the time, this is another one of them, you can’t be real, you are probably a 23 year old version of a Mills and Boon hero and you are just messing with my head.”

He laughed. It was perhaps, the purest, most mesmerizing laugh I had ever heard. Inspite of the sheer masculinity of it, it reminded me of a little cherub laughing and smiling.

“No, Azel, I am not “messing” with your head. I am simply here because you have been calling out to me, and I have been caught up in a lot of other issues. Now tell me, why did you call me and why do you think I hate you?”

“You know my name? Okay, don’t answer that, you’re sitting on my bed, knowing my name isn’t really a big deal. How did you get in?”

“I was always here darling, I just couldn’t talk to you then”

“Hey, don’t you darling me! You may be all cute and all, but I am just Priyanka to you, do not call me Azel or Darling.”

“Have you still not recognized me child?”

“Wow, you don’t look all that old you know, and now I am sure this is just another one of my weird dreams.”

“I am older than you could imagine, and younger than the idea just formed a Planck time ago. Yes, I know you like using that unit of time, while in one of your exaggerating moods.”

“Okay, look, now you are really creeping me out. Please tell me your name, and what is it that you want from me. See, let us just assume that I am a very dull person, and you explain everything. Okay?”

“Tell me something Azel, why didn’t you scream or yell for help when you saw me?”

“Err…umm… good question, does this mean I should have or should I now? You know I am pretty strong, I could beat you up or something. Sorry, I mean. Look, do not confuse me now. I didn’t scream, because I didn’t feel like, as crazy as it may sound, you don’t really look the hurting type.”

He smiled; he had this really pleasant, peaceful smile. Something so pure and pristine, that it was almost holy.

“Haha, well, yes I would never hurt you, but you have accused me many times of doing so, everyone does that, but I don’t mean to, really. Anyways, do you know how long I’ve known you?”

“No. I’ll cry now. Please don’t ask more questions. I do not know you, how will I know how long you’ve known me! This is the first time I am seeing you!”

“But, is this the first time you are talking to me?”

“No.”

“I knew, you’d be honest and I knew you would remember. I’ve been with you, longer than you’ve been on Earth, I’ve seen you laugh, and I’ve felt you cry, I am what you call your God.”

“What?!”

“Well, I know it sounds strange, calling myself God, you people have made a big deal out of it. You’ve been better, you talk to me, you speak with me and you fight with me, you are one special child, all of you are, and you are a friend.”

Suddenly, I was shy, and I slapped myself mentally for actually believing him. He was God? How can he be God, how can I talk to God? Yet, I’ve been doing so for a long time.

“How can you look like this? This is hardly the image we see around us.”

“Well, I just chose this look, from what you correctly identified as your mills and boon novel. You happen to like them a lot, don’t you?”

“Err, yes, are you sure you’re God?”

“Yep, hundred percent. Oh come on now, you yell at me every day, why so scared now?”

“I am not scared, just confused. Why are you here?”

“To speak with you, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“What? I am fine, what did I do?”

“You know what I am talking about, you know I don’t really make things happen, you know I won’t be able to take you back, you know you made a mistake, why won’t you move on?”

“Wow, one hope I had from you and you actually come to meet me and shatter it?”

“Azel, listen. We have been friends, ever since you heard about me, ever since you accepted that I am not a person, or God, or whatever, to be scared of or to be put on a pedestal. You have been honest about the fact, that you see me as a friend as a support system, then why do you keep telling me to give you another chance? Why do you do it, when you don’t believe in it? Why, after realizing your mistake and succeeding in getting on the right track, do you want to go back? You know it is not possible.”

“I know. I just like to delude myself, and escape into moments of hope and dreams.”

“Azel, it is okay to do that, it is human, but do not hurt yourself. Do not limit yourself. You know that to achieve whatever dreams you have seen for yourself, you have to work hard. You have to make it happen. I am always there to listen to you, to be there. To give you the push, but I cannot turn back time, not for you not for anyone.”

“I know, I just like to put some blame on you, I don’t really mean it, I know you love me.”

“I know, and I don’t mind that, I know you are still a baby in some ways but I want you to be happy and I want you to look ahead. There are many mistakes that you have made, they cannot be undone, but they can be stepped over and you can move ahead. Don’t cling to the past. It will not help.”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Oh God, do I need to tell you? Oh, hehe, I just called your name, without actually meaning you! Hehe, sorry. Thanks for always being there and listening to me.”

“Sure, no problem. Now I have other people to talk to, keep in touch.”

“Yes, oh by the way, can you seriously not change things around you, like you know people going crazy fighting about you!”

“Azel, all of you have been blessed with a brain, I want each of you to use it to lead your life the way you want to, if I wanted to make you puppets I would have. You all have a free will, it is not right for me to curb or manipulate it.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Okay, now go back to sleep, you can still make it to college after a nap. You have a Microprocessor class right, which you haven’t attended in weeks? Setting your alarm at 8, sleep now”

“No No, make it 9, last week I got proxy attendance, will go for the second class, okay? I mean it’s okay right?”

“Seriously, you’re going to ask God forgiveness for bunking your class from now?”

“Hehe, no, 9 then, Gnite”

“Gnite, Sweet Dreams, Sleep well and Bless you.”

He kissed me on my forehead and I slept.

Trrriiing Trrriiiing. “OMG! 9! Shit, not again, I’ll miss the first class again!!!” Wait, who was that boy in my room before I slept? Suddenly it all flashed back. Strange dream. Again. Is this a disorder? Getting weird dreams? I mean I talk to myself and now I dream of meeting God, who looks as if he is 23 and cute! Anyways, better get ready for college.

As I sit in my car in the traffic jam, and listen to ‘Lothlorien by Enya, from the LOTR soundtrack, on my E72 and look outside the window at a nearby park, I see a boy, six feet tall, lean and athletic. With dark, black, slightly wavy hair, looking at me with the greenest eyes ever and smiling. He is holding the hand of a toddler, or actually the toddler is tightly gripping his finger, with all his might, and the Sun comes out of the clouds. I look at him, I stare at the boy from my dream, and he winks at me and my car flashes by.