No Less, No More

Just because they don’t approve, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t smile.

Just because it isn’t accepted, doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

Just because it isn’t final, doesn’t mean it can’t endure.

Just because it is hidden, doesn’t mean it isn’t pure.

It might not be the end, but what if it goes beyond?

It might not be all, but it still is much more.

More than we are taught, more than we expect

Yet, inevitably, impossible to accept

So be it, I don’t ask that either

Their approval they refuse

But, it’s happiness that I choose

For I know, however much be it

 It’s mine, all of it:

No less, No more.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go

Imagine that you’re all set to run a 100m dash. The countdown has begun, and in your head you seem to be working out a plan to implement the best strategy for the race. The angle at which your feet should hit the ground, the length of each stride, how much energy you could conserve if your arms move in a controlled uniform fashion, the optimal speed guaranteeing consistency and stamina throughout the race and so on. Once you finish all the complex calculations and come up with a foolproof plan, you realize that most of your competitors have finished half the race or more, assuming you are pretty intelligent and came up with a plan before next year’s sports event.
 

Now, the scenario, seems pretty stupid, right? Why would anyone with some semblance of intelligence do that? But, I and, I assume, a lot of people like me have a tendency to do just that, in different scenarios, more frequent than the rare 100m dashes we run, if ever. If I have to do something, I will plan and plan and plan, till the deadline leaves me with no other option, but to just somehow get the task done with. Or, never do it in case of flexible deadlines or the lack of them. First, we just plain procrastinate for no reason whatsoever. Then one fine day we’re brimming with ideas and we start researching and planning, so far so good. Now, we plan some more, and waste the entire day. Next day, we could procrastinate or we could continue the research, come to some sort of a plan and procrastinate implementing it or just continue planning and kill the enthusiasm we had to begin with. After these tiring cycles of planning and procrastinating, someday we might finally get down to working or just forget about it and begin a new cycle, with new hopes and aspirations, and loads of new plans. This doesn’t happen always, we’re not that bad, especially if we have to meet deadlines, but it does happen, a lot. Especially when we aren’t following instructions or deadlines, when we have to do something on our own, times when it really, really matters.
 

So what are we actually supposed to do? We have to start! Start running as soon as the whistle blows, as we run, we could fall or realize that the current speed or intensity is not good enough or maybe will tire us out. We have to figure a way out while running, or probably even after the race, before the next one. The important thing is to begin.
 

During school, there were some teachers who encouraged us to prepare or read chapters before we attended the class, so that we could understand better. Whilst some asked us not to read beforehand, and come with an open mind, learn as we go through the lesson in class, as we try to solve problems before any specific method is taught to us. Each ideology has its share of advantages, the trick is to realize that we must adapt to both. To know that theoretical knowledge and planning will definitely lead us to make better, informed decisions, but there has to be a point when you just have to begin the race. If you plan to learn swimming, you could read about certain precautions, or tips, but you have to make the plunge. You have to learn how to swim by being in water, not by reading about it on Wikipedia and writing a thesis on it.
 

What good is training yourself for a race, planning and coming up with the perfect strategy if you never actually run it? We must start. It’s ok if we stop at 1%, we’ll figure out the 99% somehow, chances are it’s already been done. If not, we’ll do it first, but only if we try. The key lies in making that first move, taking that first plunge. The key lies in starting. Always.

 

"You don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great."

~ Les Brown

 

Hold On, Let Go

Claustrophobia must feel like this. So much has happened, so much has changed, yet the stillness is not letting me get even one word out. Wish I could write about it, but I probably don’t have the right, or the strength; about this: this which has engulfed me, a thick blanket as comforting as a warm hug, as suffocating as a clamped mouth. Not a word gets out, not a sigh stays in. Closed, hushed and repressed, like a secret must remain; yet, bursting with the life of a much dreamed joy. How do I get out of it? Or how do I let it out? Has it trapped me or have I buried it deep? This must be it, must be what they call claustrophobia. A thick mist enclosing me or an emptiness waiting to burst out, that my mind cannot seem to enclose much longer. If I break free, who will pick up the broken pieces? If I hold tight, what if I crush it? If I let go, what if it takes me with it? If I hold on, what if I am left with nothing? This must be it. Claustrophobia must feel like this.

It's not just a Movie

Sometimes, you just like a movie because that one dialogue, that one scene, that one song was about you, about something special to you. That moment when you don’t see the actors, you don’t hear their voices, you just feel what you felt then, and then you don’t need a reason to like that movie, it becomes special, because it had that little bit of you. A single sentence, a small gesture is all it takes and then, you're not just watching a movie.

It is a Movie, Relax.

Disclaimer: I think this has spoilers.

Some.One liked the movie, Some.One didn't. Why is Every.One going crazy fighting on my newsfeed? :|

I happen to like Ra.One and contrary to popular belief it is not because of my undying love for Shahrukh but because I happened to enjoy the movie for what it was. Yes, there were corny scenes, pathetic PJ’s and redundant scenes, but, I didn’t expect it to be a mathematical proof of a movie. In my case even that has corny tricks, redundant statements and pathetic attempts at a solution. Anyways, that is besides the point. The point is that this is one movie that is visually brilliant and yet is purely Bollywood, and I am excited about that. I am a superhero movie buff usually, and I appreciate the fact that although Stan Lee and the likes have made it impossibly difficult to come up with something original and likeable, these guys have really pulled it off.

I liked the concept of the game, but I wish they had explored it more, made it more God Of War-like instead of the 8 bit Mortal Kombat style that they've used. I liked the scenes between Shekhar and his son and then the kid with G.One, although I’d have liked it more if the corny-ness had been toned down. I really like the scene where Ra.One witnesses Dusshera and I cheered and clapped for G.One and Chitti.


This isn’t on my favourite movie list, not at all, but I enjoyed it. I am sure there is a section of the junta that wouldn’t, I think there is always one such section. But, I don’t understand why people are taking extreme stances, especially on facebook, twitter. It is like people are trying to declare it a Hit or a Flop by their status updates, but if ‘Ready’ and ‘Kambakht Ishq’ are bigger blockbusters than ‘Rang De Basanti’, ‘Swades’  or ‘Jaaneman’, then who cares? I saw the IMDB vote trend for Ra.One, most people have given it a 1/10 or 10/10, seems like people have a personal agenda to make it flop or a blockbuster.  

I expect a lot of people to not like this movie, mostly SRK-haters and people who  want to watch ‘serious meaningful cinema’.  Well, if you’re in either category then the advertisements and marketing are enough to give you a Caveat, then why go for it and waste your money at all? I expected the movie to be a little silly, corny but with good visual effects and a lot of Shahrukh. I got silly and corny alright, but I also got a lot of Shahrukh and pretty amazing effects.

I usually do not analyse movies, I either like them or not like them, or sometimes just keep on delaying watching them, but the constant status updates which are more like violent defenses or even more violent threats were beginning to really irritate me.

If you hate SRK after all these years, you will not suddenly start liking him after this movie, don’t go for it. If you like SRK, you probably will like it, worth a shot. If the hero is not important but ‘serious meaningful cinema’ is, don’t go for it. If you have time and money and want to see a light movie with seriously commendable visual effects, go for it. If you’ve seen the movie and you like it, good for you. If you’ve seen the movie and don’t like it, get over it.

As for me, I had fun.

I Wonder...

Considering what we know is so little and what we don’t know so much, one would think the latter to be that much more powerful. Yet usually it is the other way round.

I remember Grandma telling me once that reincarnation exists, that we start with the smallest, the most apparently insignificant of organisms, and ultimately earn the honour, the prize of being reincarnated as a human. Come to think of it, isn’t it amazingly close to the concept of Evolution? Moving on from single-celled organisms to Human Beings? Of course each theory has its own set of assumptions, fallacies and merits which I cannot even begin to analyze, let alone dispute, due to my lack of knowledge thereof. Yet, I cannot help but notice the central idea being common to both. Entirely opposing ideas, yet so close in their essence, fascinating.

During a discussion with a friend, I remember asking, “Ohkay, maybe Mahabharata did really happen, but, hundred Kauravas born from earthen pots, really? Or people on flying chariots? Arrows that burst in flames, or lightning as a weapon, how can one explain any of this?” The reply I got has kind of stuck on, it never fails to amaze me. “These are literary interpretations, that got distorted or exaggerated due to a multitude of reasons over many, many years; but think about it: What if technology at that time had advanced to stages where the Kauravas were born as test tube babies? What if the earthen pots were indeed the “test tubes” of that time? What if, some sort of airplanes had been invented then that were seen as flying chariots? What if they had made weapons using explosives that appeared as arrows that spit fire and what if they had made weapons that harnessed electricity to attack? Technology doesn’t only need to be invented but also sustained, maybe for various social, natural or economic reasons these could not be sustained or spread out.”

When I was in the fourth standard, we were being taught about our Solar System. A statement was made: “Life on Earth exists as it is the only planet in our Solar System with optimal conditions for life.” I stood up and asked what the word optimal meant, I had guessed it from the context, yet I needed to confirm before I could ask the question that had struck me instantly. On being satisfied that my guess was correct I asked, “What if there are aliens that do not need the same things as us to survive? What if they need something else in place of oxygen or water? What if they need the extreme cold or extreme hot temperatures? Life outside the Earth need not be the same as on Earth. So why look for water or oxygen to confirm life outside? Maybe they really don’t need that, maybe even if they exist we cannot see them, they might be made of something that is invisible to us.” Some of my friends started giggling, and my class teacher smiled and said, “Priyanka, you really need to watch less of Cartoon Network.” And the discussion ended. Well, maybe all that I had said did really stem from excess of cartoons and storybooks, and maybe it doesn’t really make much sense; but till now, the confusion stays on. Why do we equate everything else to what we know? Why do facts have to fall within our domain to be rendered credible? Why would an alien have to need oxygen, or water or a temperature acceptable to us?

All this is speculation, but what is to say that it holds no truth? If certain stories, myths or yet-to-be-accepted-ideas have stood the test of time, surely they deserve some faith. Faith, as opposed to superstition or cynicism. Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if we realized that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence? If we could accept that there are things we don’t know or don’t understand. If we look at new ideas with wonder than with resistance? One doesn’t need to just accept whatever one is told, that’d be downright stupid, but being stubborn about your opinion no matter what isn’t much better either.

Of course I have my own set of beliefs, opinions and ideas. But so does my neighbour and their neighbour and so on. Who am I to decide they are wrong? Similarly, who are they to decide that either?

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.  

– Albert Einstein

P.S.: There is so much more I could write about this, but some other time, for now, I must get back to “Reality”. Till then, some food for thought: We usually judge people as smart on the basis of what they know, yet geniuses have an indisputable track record of being those who went about looking for what they didn’t know. So long!

The Green Bookshelf And The Gulmohar Tree

Holding papa’s hand as tightly as I could, I entered the gates and instantly fell in love with the huge gulmohar tree in the garden, the basketball courts, the creamy sunlight washed walls and the pristine church that stood tall and beautiful.  Then I saw all the children, lined up for assembly. Was I late? Papa told me to go stand in the line and I thought my feet were stuck to the ground they shivered on. He nudged me gently to go ahead. I looked at all the other kids, laughing, fighting, talking or just standing, would they like me? What if I made no friends? I looked back at papa, trying very hard not to let the tears spill that blurred everything. He smiled and said, “You’re a big girl, aren’t you? Do you wan’t to be late on your first day?” I looked down at my shiny black ballerina shoes and shook my head the tiniest bit and trudged along to where everyone stood. Then, halfway through I realized, I didn’t know which line to stand in! I turned to see whether papa was still standing there, and the relief that washed over me was too much to handle. I burst out crying, as loudly as I could. At once papa was there to hold me and comfort me as I tried to control my sobs and not drench his shirt. He held my hand, asked a girl where I was supposed to stand, she led us there and papa hunched on his knees and asked me if I would be fine and not cry? As much as I wanted to howl my lungs out, I agreed and gave him a watery smile. He kissed me and went back to stand near the small gate, as I learnt to call it later on, and waited as the assembly began.

We said prayers that I had never heard of and sang hymns which everyone knew except for me. Throughout the service I kept opening my eyes to check if papa was still standing there and much to my relief he was. Finally the service ended, for the first time I learned how to cross, and soon we began filing out for class. As I entered the building which looked so calm yet vibrant I saw papa, he smiled, waved at me and left, I held back the silly tears that just wouldn’t stay in and entered my classroom. Class II Section I. The classroom was a different world in itself, softboards with colourful charts and posters, cute wall hangings and flowers on the teacher’s desk, tiny little wooden tables and matching chairs arranged in random clusters for the students. I chose the one at the furthest corner, near the teacher’s desk and the near a green bookshelf. Story books? In a classroom?  Soon the class teacher entered, she introduced herself as Mrs. Fernandez, and then introduced me to the rest of the class. I fidgeted a little at all the sudden attention and then quietly sat in my place.  Another girl entered with her mom, she was a little late. She had no place to sit, I offered her to share my desk and I made my first friend in Loreto House.  After that, the day just flew by. At two O’ clock when papa came, I ran to him and hugged him and told him how wonderful my teacher was, how many friends I’d made, how I’d found a book about a ballerina in the bookshelf in my class and how I wanted to be one too when I grew up.

It was that green bookshelf that introduced me to the wonders of reading, the classes in the small hall that made me realize that I could dance, the piano that accompanied my most disastrous attempts at singing, the stage in the big hall that made me want to be on it, my little desk where I learnt how to unpack my world for the day, the canteen where we yelled for that one plate of chow, the basketball courts which witnessed everything from my futile attempts at basketball to my beloved dance practice, from lock and key to the dreaded Day 4 marching sessions, the corridors where we’d stand and talk about crushes and homework, or where we’d sit in groups and make charts, projects or masterpieces in art and craft, the zero periods and the celebrations, the house meetings and the zillion events, the teachers who taught me almost everything I know today and who gave us the best ever Children’s day celebrations. Loreto House went from being the scary new school to my entire world. Although I’ve moved on and miss it like crazy, it was the place with which I fell in love with as soon as I laid my eyes on that gorgeous Gulmohar tree in the garden, and it is the place which will always be home.