Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Problem-Solver

Raju peeped in through the window, crouching as far low as he could to avoid being caught, again.  His eight year old mind wrestled with the addition problem on the blackboard, the difficult-to-grasp words in English, the piercing pain of the gravels scraping his bare knees and the constant fear of being caught. The last time masterji had seen him stealthily attend his class while cleaning the bookshelf at the end of the room, Raju had gotten his palms destroyed by masterji’s dreaded walking stick. He absently clenched his still tender palms when dried leaves crunched behind him.
A whisper, “What are you up to, young lad?” Raju turned, dreading whatever was about to follow. His scared eyes, too big for his pale, yellow face looked at the tall, bespectacled man in kurta pyajama. It was the new English teacher at school. He had come from Kolkata, Mr. Ankan Bandhopadhyay. 
“Ankan babu, these green chilies fell, I was picking them up. Suresh kaku sent me to buy them. I work at the school canteen. I am sorry. I should hurry now or lunch will not be prepared today.”
Raju dusted away leaves and dirt off his brown shorts as he ran off towards the kitchen building. He did not look back, scared that Ankan babu might see it as guilt and ask more questions or worse still, complain to masterji or Suresh kaku. He neither wanted the walking stick thrashing his palms nor the red hot tongs to burn his flesh.
As he stepped in the kitchen, the bellowing began. Suresh kaku had an incredibly thunderous voice for his frail body at seventy-three. “You rascal, were you growing the chilies? Will I serve it raw with the curry, or should I have waited for maharaj Raju to waltz in to begin cooking?”
“I am sorry, kaku. Ankan babu was lost, he was asking for directions. I helped him with that.”
“These city people. They are good for nothing. Lost. Hmph. You get to work, chop those onions and then heat the oil. Also, if I catch you sneaking off or day dreaming, I will pour that same oil over your empty head, do you understand?”
Raju nodded and ran to his workstation. Designed for a much taller person, he had to balance himself on a rickety old stool to reach the platform. Tears began rolling down his dust stained cheeks, for the onions or for the unfairness of it all, it was difficult to tell. Raju never complained. He didn't complain when ma had to take him out of the make-shift school near his house because baba left them and married Bubai’s mother. He didn't complain when Bubai, Bubai’s mother and baba threw ma and him out of their own house. He didn't complain when masterji beat him for trying to learn multiplication instead of cleaning the bookshelf and he didn't complain when he had to help Suresh kaku cook for the entire school, and not get a single bite of that meal. He had to eat the thicker, insect manifested rice and water that he prepared himself. Raju didn't complain about any of it, because Ma cried all the time for him. He couldn't make demands or pleas to her, he couldn't bear to see her cry. Ma seemed to have become half of what she used to be, what if more crying made her melt away completely? Raju learned to lie to save his skin, he learned to steal whatever snatches of education he could. His teacher from the old school had suggested it to Ma to let him work here. He had said that Raju would get free lunch and fifty rupees a month, also, he would be with boys his own age that attended a good school and might pick something from them. Everything was right, he was trying to learn, but not from the boys. They never spoke with him, some tried to but masterji or Suresh kaku always shooed them off, and he had to bear the brunt of their anger. 
“You will not speak to them and try to teach them your lowly ways. You are their servant and should not even look into their eyes, not even to ours.” This was followed by a slap. Raju wasn't sure who had said this, maybe Suresh kaku or maybe masterji, or perhaps both.
“Are you done chopping onions maharaj? Will you please begin frying the luchis? Or should I come fry you?” As Suresh kaku was barking his usual threats, Raju heard a throat being cleared. He looked up to see Ankan babu walk into the kitchen. Had he come to complain? Why did every man in this school hate him so much? Raju stopped chopping as his heart began to race, he looked from Ankan babu to Suresh kaku, who seemed irritated, yet had to begrudge his respect; after all he was the cook and Ankan babu a teacher.
“Suresh da, I am Ankan. I have recently joined this school as a teacher. We met the other day, remember?”
“Yes teacher sir, I remember. Are you hungry already? Lunch will be served in an hour.”
“No dada, I want to speak with this boy here. Can I borrow him for a few minutes? I promise, I will help with the cooking if I delay you.”
“No no sir, you city people are so funny. You can take the boy, let me know if he has bothered you. He is one lazy worker, but a very enthusiastic mischief maker.” Suresh kaku toyed with the tongs as he looked at Raju.
“He has made no mischief, none that I know of yet. I just need him for five minutes, thank you. Boy, can you come outside once?”
Raju trudged down the stool. It was going to break one of these days, Raju wasn't getting any heavier, but everything always seemed to be crumbling to pieces around him. He followed Ankan babu outside the kitchen.
“What is your name little mischief maker?”
“My name is Rajbir Mondol, but everyone calls me Raju.”
“Ok, Raju. I really don’t know how the chilies landed there, but I did see some writing on the wall below the window. It seemed to be the solution to what masterji was teaching at class. Did you happen to see the person who solved that?”
Raju looked at his feet. He knew where this would go. His sweaty palms began to throb in sync with his pounding heart. The problem hadn't been that difficult, why did he have to write it on that wall? Raju had wanted to practice his writing too, that is why. It was becoming more and more difficult for him to read, or recollect the spellings and symbols. There were times when he would know the answer to a seemingly difficult problem the moment it was asked, but struggle to read it if it was written on the blackboard. He simply nodded at Ankan babu.
“Raju, did you write that?”
Something in that tone was amiss. Ankan babu was not waiting to explode like masterji, neither was he threatening with accusation like Suresh Kaku. He seemed to be curious and, something that bordered on being pleased. Like his teacher at the old school. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to trust this city man. He only trusted ma. Baba, masterji, Suresh kaku, all of them hated him. Why would this man be different? He seemed a bit kinder, so Raju tried pleading. He seemed too smart to be lied to twice in the same day.
“I did babu, I am sorry, I just got distracted. It will not happen again. Please don’t tell anyone. I promise.”
Ankan babu regarded this little, trembling boy from over his lowered spectacles. His fingers fidgeted with his kurta sleeves as he stood cross-armed and mulled over something in his mind. After what seemed eons to Raju, he spoke.
“Raju, I will not complain to anyone, but you must come to the staff room after lunch, you will be free then I suppose? I need to speak with you about something and you must not worry. Is that OK? Will you be able to make it?”
“Yes babu, I usually go home after lunch, but I can go a little later. Ma won’t be back from her job until evening. masterji will be there in the staff room though, won’t he? He doesn't like me being anywhere other than the kitchen, unless I am cleaning something.”
“Don’t worry about that, masterji will be leaving after lunch today, it will just be me. Now off you go, I am a terrible cook and I will not be able to fulfill my promise to Suresh da in helping you with the cooking. Shh, don’t tell him that.”
Ankan babu winked at Raju as he said that, and Raju felt as if something wonderful had happened to him. The last time a man had smiled at him, it was his teacher, when he said goodbye to Raju on his last day at school, and that had made him sadder than the anger and spite he dealt with every day. It was a long back, a year almost, but felt like another life.
The next couple of hours passed quicker than usual, Suresh kaku kept cursing and probing about the exchange with Ankan babu. He wasn't really interested in Raju’s answers, since all he wanted to do was curse the both of them, so Raju let him speak, and worked harder, lest he made a mistake and was unable to meet Ankan babu on time. The way Ankan babu had confided in him, the way he had joked with him it had made him smile, if not on the outside, he had felt a warmth spread inside him that people had stopped triggering in him.
He knocked at the door of the staff room, Ankan babu was bent at his desk, busy writing something, he looked up at Raju, “Come in Raju, you’re a punctual one. Take a seat. No… not on the ground, in front of me.”
Raju climbed the chair, it wasn't like the rickety old stool. It was steady, sitting there made him feel nervous, because it felt stable, he wasn't used to that feeling. Ankan babu turned the notebook towards Raju, it had three mathematics problems in a neat scrawl.
“Can you read that Raju? I apologize for my handwriting, it isn't pretty, but I did try to make it legible.”
Raju looked at them for a couple of minutes and said, “The answer is ten apples, two hundred and seventy nine rupees and thirty-one books.”
Ankan babu had an expression somewhat similar to what babies have, an expression of permanent surprise, as if they haven’t quite figured out how to work the eyelids. He looked from the notebook to Raju, back to the notebook. He scribbled a tougher problem, in a somewhat shabby scribble and looked at Raju expectantly. Raju pointed to a word he couldn't understand.
“Babu, what does this mean, i-n-t-e-r-e-s-t?”
“Interest. It has a many meanings, it is a feeling that makes you want to know more about something. You seem to have an interest in mathematics, and I seem to be developing one in you. In this case however, it means extra amount of money you need to pay me, if you borrow some from me. For instance, if you borrow a hundred rupees from me for two years at the rate of ten percent per annum, you will be paying twenty rupees extra to me when you return the amount. Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, mother had borrowed five hundred from lalaji last year, she had to pay him extra this year. I think I understand. In this case, we have fifty rupees at a rate of five percent for two years. So the interest for one year will be fifty times five by hundred, so for two it will be twice that. The answer is fifty-five rupees babu.”
Ankan babu looked like a man who’d found a magic lamp. His excitement kept growing as he kept presenting problems to Raju, who asked whatever he needed to and answered within seconds. The interview went out of mathematics into problems of logic, into exercises in grammar. An hour went by, as the clock struck four, Raju realized he had to be back home, he didn't want to worry ma. He didn't want to stop, but he couldn't wait to tell this story to ma either.
“Babu, it is getting late. I must return home before ma does. Thank you so much for the wonderful things you taught me. I was worried you would be angry at having caught me outside masterji’s classroom. I was wrong and I am very lucky to have been so.”
Raju wanted to ask if he could come tomorrow, but he didn’t want to jinx this unexpected happiness by asking. The last time he had asked God for his baba to return, baba had returned with Bubai and his mother and thrown them out. He was scared to wish for things, incase God misunderstood him like last time.”
“Sure Raju. I didn’t realize how time flew! Will you be able to come again at the same time?”
Raju tried not to jump in his seat or to burst out in tears. “Yes, babu, I would love to.”

Ankan babu smiled at Raju as he scrambled down the chair and almost skipped as he went outside the door.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Scared

I am scared to step in now. I am scared that it will all come flooding in.  
It feels like trying to get in a door which has been long shut on me.  
It isn't just another place, just another city.  
It is your home, more so than mine is mine.  
It is the home that I wanted for me,  
More than I ever owned mine. 
I am scared to see the airport. I am scared to step out.  
I am scared to look around the way I used to, 
I know I will not see that blue, I know I will not see you.  
I am scared to step in their car 
I am scared that I will wait,  
For us to be alone 
Only together we will never be 
I am scared to see those places that they will try to show 
Those places that you took me to, which they will never know 
I am scared to eat a bite, scared to take a sip 
While every sense haunts me, with memories from each trip 
I am scared to know that 
Every second of each day 
You will be so close 
But will never cross my way 
I am scared to sleep those nights 
Alone with everyone 
Your arms will not engulf me 
Probably around someone 
I will be scared to come back here 
Back to this place 
This place that was mine 
Till you took it away

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Let Me Be

Let me be
I know, I remember
can't accept, yes I falter
but in denial  
it is peace
for some time
for some days
let me be
Then truth must be looked at
right in the eye
no faltering, no comfort
can no longer deny
but that time is afar
till then let me be
before I face my time
before I leave the lie
let peace be awhile
let me look for my smile.


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Their Trash, Their Treasure

Trash for a world,
Treasure for another
I stand by the street
As a silent observer
Filled with the unwanted,
Tossed in with disgust
Rifled for the needed
A boon to the cursed
Tiny hands look in me
Eyes glitter with joy
Sometimes a morsel
Or a broken toy
A toy with a story
A book old and torn
Of past full of glory
Yet those tiny hands hold them
And make them their own
A trashcan you say
As you walk away
Yet I see two worlds
Every single day


Monday, May 12, 2014

Look up

Non-conformism and Hateful Scorn are different things. Going through my facebook feed I noticed a few statuses/pictures scorning Mothers Day posts. Got me wondering, what is acceptable to these uber cool, sarcastic judges sitting on their self appointed e-social high grounds?

These are commonly scorned upon:
  •        Selfies
  •        Baby Pictures
  •        Engagement/Wedding Pictures
  •        Vacation Pictures
  •        Food Made By Me Pictures
  •        Political Views
  •        Location Check-ins
  •        Game requests

Today, Mothers Day posts were mocked, saying: "show her some real love, not on facebook." Wonder why these people think that if I put up a status for my mom, it is exhaustive for the amount of love I have for her and not exclusive of it.

What is the kind of content that they would approve of? It is interesting to think about what they really would talk about on their social networking profiles if not about what others have posted. Facebook/Twitter/Blogger and the likes have created this group of hateful people that mistake needless scorn for sarcasm.

It is a little sad to think that the first thought that comes to their head seeing a Mother’s Day post is that it is insincere. If you are busy looking down upon everything, you miss all the good stuff. Look up, be happy.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Stop and look...

Walking down a lonely road
I stop to look and think
My daily chores, the incessant monotone
Flashes by, and time goes in a blink
Each day of the week seems the same
A day to finish, and reach the next
Yet when we do, it starts again
And we trudge on, with tomorrow’s pretext
To life we add each day anew
Yet at the close, it seems to me
A day less, a day lost
To dreams that could be
A daily wait to leave my desk
A weekly wait for a weekend rest
The same cycle goes on and on
And then we see that months are gone
So stop awhile and look around
Look for dreams waiting to be found
For things that make your day worthwhile
For memories that would make you smile
Each day would add and multiply
To the wealth of life
And not pass you by


Sunday, January 5, 2014

What we need

How did one figure out how to use soap.. or make it ? What to eat what not to eat? How to grow a crop? How to find electricity… ? Then you suddenly think about how we don’t have such revolutionary discoveries or inventions today, or at least none that we know of or appreciate. Brings me to think, is each generation dumbing down? Where are the Aryabhattas, the Newtons, the Shakespeares, the Da Vincis of today? (Please don’t judge the list, it’s random, and I’m too lazy to research and make a more comprehensive one..) So, on putting some thought and weighing against evolution, dominance of the stronger genes, that conclusion wouldn't be so true. Come of think of it, we’re really innovating in fields of technology, phones and video games to say the least. Then why don’t they impress us as much as inventing the telephone? Or making the first soap bar?

I think it is because, those innovations were need-driven. They solved a problem, as compared to ones now which are more luxury-driven. We already have a comfortable set of inventions, tools and sufficient knowledge. We know about gravity, we have electricity, we can do basic math and can easily communicate. Hence, the innovation today mostly seems an improvement.

Maybe to really create something revolutionary, one should start looking at questions that need to be answered, problems that need to be solved. From what I understand Need seems to be a bigger motivator than Luxury. Maybe when a seriously gifted and curious individual spends time in improvising an already good gadget or thinks he can be the next  Zuckerberg by some really cool idea, that genius is looking in the wrong direction.

There are many needs we still have to fulfill, they may seem altruistic, but they are problems that need to be solved. Maybe innovators probably need to look for a different motivation. Maybe a unique contribution.. to health, to education, to alternative energy models, to sustainable honest political models, to viable economic opportunities for all… Altruism might not equate to profit on face-value, but a need-driven innovation would probably be revolutionary, profit would then just be one of the perks. 

Think of it, I would always buy something that I need before something that I want.